Daymares, Nightdreams, and other Musings: An End To Fat Days

Dear World,

I will henceforth no longer have Fat Days. Any word with synonyms like abdominous, blubbery, chubby, corpulent, double-chinned, dumpy, fleshy, gross, jowly, obese, paunchy, potbellied, or pudgy has no place as a descriptor in my life. However, we all have days where we feel a little less svelte that normal, maybe a little softer around the edges. So, from this point forth I am formally replacing Fat Days with Voluptuous Days. I feel much more positively towards synonyms like bosomy, buxom, curvaceous, epicurean, indulgent, juicy, luscious, luxurious, red-hot, sexy, shapely, sonsie, sybaritic, toothsome, and well-endowed. So from now on when I wake up on one of those days where my jeans just don't want to button, my top is harboring a bit extra muffin, and I just can't seem to get over the idea that I may be harboring the beginnings of jowls and a double chin, I will label it a Voluptuous Day, and act accordingly, by channeling my inner Christina Hendricks.

Sincerely,

Claire

If mother nature didn't like curves she would have made the world flat. <3

Okay, yeah, so the last one is my roomie and I, having a voluptuous moment in my case - looking adorable and svelte as always in her case. But seriously, how could you NOT want to look like Christina Hendricks? 

10 steps to a clean shower.

1. Gather supplies: 

• Bleach- check
• Old toothbrush- check
• Rubber gloves- lacking, but who really needs to protect their skin from harmful chemicals...that's what the toothbrush is for. 
• Grimy bathtub, yellow tile suggesting it was probably built in the 80s, amount of mold suggesting it hasn't been cleaned since - check
• Old, bleach friendly clothes-check

2. Practice morale building: remind self how much happier self will be with a clean, mold free shower. 

3. Jump in with both feet, pour liberal amounts of bleach in bowl, dip toothbrush, begin scrubbing. 

4. Realize after about a square foot of cleaned tile that this is not really that much fun, right arm is already getting sore from scrubbing and bleach fumes are beginning to cause dull headache. Resolve to take breaks after every quarter of wall cleaned.

5. REFRAME situation: Pretend you have a symbiotic relationship with a friendly giant, a giant with very poor dental hygiene, and you're helping him out, you don't want a giant friend with moldy teeth...

6. Scratch the friendly part. You have a not-so-symbiotic relationship with a giant that will eat your sad bleach covered self and use your fibula as a toothpick and your feet as bookends if you don't finish cleaning this shower... and the last thing you want at this point is to add guts or grime to your almost half clean grout. 

7. Scratch the giant concept all together, you're almost done... one more tile.... one more tile...almost done...

8. Finish scrubbing last tile, breathe deep sigh of relief, choke a little bit on inhale full of bleach fumes, step out of tub and feel very grateful that you have a white bathmat since your feet are probably bleach soaked at this point. 

9. Sit down in front of television... 5 minutes later realized the bleach is probably still soaking into your skin and now your couch. 

10. Drag yourself back up stairs into your now clean shower. Celebrate not being grossed out by shower by shaving legs and hence not being grossed out by shower OR legs and no longer being covered in bleach. 

Hell Awareness Week.

In the week before Halloween my University had a special awareness week.
You expect to find the Alcohol, Drug, and Crosswalk Safety Awareness Weeks.
I'll be honest, I seriously didn't see Hell Awareness Week coming. 

The nice gentleman behind the booth declined my offer to be in the picture. He did however give me his presentation. Apparently during the week before Halloween, when students are ignorantly celebrating witchcraft, demonism, and general evil, they wanted to remind campus of what we should REALLY be afraid of: Hell. I smiled and nodded along and had an inner debate between running away and being polite and listening to his point since I was amused enough to take a picture of their booth. And then he asked if I wanted to win a goodie basket (See those cute pumpkin buckets filled with goodies? Who doesn't want to win a goodie basket, ESPECIALLY one in honor of Hell Awareness Week, surely that Hell Bucket contains some Magical Heaven Candy right?). Maybe it was a trick, playing on my greed, gluttony, lust, or likely all three but it worked. All I had to do was answer two little questions, and I could be entered in a drawing to win a Hell Bucket. I didn't even have to believe in Hell to be eligible (I asked)! 

Question 1: If you died right now, do you think you would go to Heaven or Hell?

Answer 1: Well, as we discussed, I don't believe in Hell per say, so, um... is this question even answerable? I suppose if I have to choose one then I would prefer the first... but only if my friends can come too. 

Response 1: Well, Hell does exist, it's in the Bible, and that's why we're set up here is to educate people about how to live their lives.

Response to Response 1: That's nice of you, I'm afraid I just have a different set of beliefs and a less-than-literal interpretation of the Bible, can we go to the second question now?

Question 2: What do you think is required to avoid going to Hell?

Answer 2: Well, again, as we discusses, I don't believe in Hell, so I'm not sure how to answer this question. By not believing in it?

Response 2: Hell is real, and there are actions you can take to avoid ending up there. 

Response to Response 2: I appreciate your concern, however I don't personally believe that a loving God would sentence people to eternal suffering. I also don't believe that you have to have a "Big Brother is watching" sentiment in order to be a good person. However, I fully respect your right to believe whatever you like, and I so appreciate you respecting mine as well. Do I got to sign up for the Hell Bucket now? 

He gave me the sheet to write down my name and phone number, and asked if I would like calls to remind me of their weekly bible study meetings (you don't have to be Christian to attend! He assured me). I declined the reminder, although I will totally accept a phone call to let me know I won a Hell Bucket! He laughed, reminded me again he would be happy to chat about my "beliefs", which he had clearly decided were neo-paganistic in nature, and we parted ways. 

Not two hours later I received a phone call to tell me that I'd won a "goodie basket". It took me about 3 seconds to translate that to "Hell Bucket" and get really excited. 

Okay, so the food was a bit shit. No Heaven candy in sight. However I learned two things from this experience. 

1. God obviously prefers my beliefs about Hell, and hence decided to help me win the drawing (okay, so  it's just as likely that my competition was rather lacking as most people probably didn't want to talk to the Hell Awareness people, but I like the first version of events)

2.  Corn Nuts: Hot Sauce and Limon Chips (Which I didn't even know existed) are kind of AMAZING!

My Retrospective List of Life Goals

Planning ahead has never been my strong point. In fact, I'm just plain bad at it. Short overnight trip coming up? I'll be packing the night before. Moving out of the country for a year? I'll be packing the night before. And a lot of the time by "night before" I really mean "morning of".

This works for me. It doesn't, however, work for everyone. And when you're in your early 20s lots of people want to know your future plans, what you're going to do when you grow up, or (dare I say it?) your GOALS. In my world this is a dirty word. I've never liked having to think too much about my future, and the idea of deciding what I'm going to be doing in 5-10-20 years TODAY is unthinkable. It's simply not how my mind works. People change, plans change, the world changes. And I like the uncertainty. My (often seemingly random or last minute) life choices have taken me to many interesting places, people, and experiences I wouldn't have been, met, or had otherwise.

But people are still going to ask about life goals, so I figured I should have some. So sitting down one day I decided to make a list of what I want to be when I grow up, what I want my life to look like. And my answer?

Happy. Healthy. Joyful. Inspired.

And this is enough for me. I don't know where my life will take me, what my future career will look like, if I'll be married or not, or what country or continent I'll be living in. But I know I want to be Happy, and that's how I'll gage if I'm in the right place for me.

The rest of my goals? Those I write retrospectively. If I haven't accomplished it, experienced it, lived it, tried it, made it, then it doesn't make the cut.

Live in Scotland for a year - check!
Learn to scuba dive - check!
Spend a summer in Belize - check!
...and it goes on and on.

The amazing thing about this approach?

I can honestly say that I've accomplished all my life goals.

Daymares, Nightdreams, and other musings.

In light of my current situation:

Sitting in Environmental Geology, listening to a lecture on the Ogallala Aquifer thickness and overdraft, most of which is going way over my head (or at least the small amount of my head I'm dedicating to listening to this lecture)

The rest of my head is going through lists of all the places I'd rather be, things I'd rather be doing, and wondering how on earth I'm going to pass this class.

Pretty much in that order.

In other words most of my brain is here:

Tenerife, Canary Islands, December (Christmas Day) 2010

I would give a lot - my grade in this class for instance- in exchange to be back on that beach, reading my book and chilling with my sea-monster (Wally-he was super chill). 

But unfortunately I'm not on a beach in the Canaries, I'm not in Spain, or even Europe, I'm 4000-ish miles away, in the US, sitting in a lecture hall in Fayetteville, Arkansas, listening to a lecture on water conservation, aquifers, sustainability. 

So yes, professor, I understand. My freedom has a negative effect on the environment. My travel causes pollution, my water usage drains aquifers, my trash fills landfills, my right to reproduce is a drain on both society and the environment. 

I am a walking Tragedy of the Commons. 

But I must say, I much prefer that to sitting in your class. 

Daymares, Nightdreams, and other musings.

Country Music.

I like it.

"Really?" You may be thinking, "Country music?"

And I'd like you to know that up until about two years ago I was right there with you.

"So what changed?" You may ask.

And I'll tell you.

Country music is one of the few genres out there that grows on you the more you listen to it.

"Are we talking about the same country music?" You may be asking, "I lost my wife, job, dog died, pickup trucks are up there in worship value with God music?"

And the answer is yes, that music.

Two years ago I started working at a steak house with a country-western theme. And they played country music. They played country music ALL THE TIME. My first two weeks I was pretty skeptical. I try to keep an open mind when it comes to music, I'll listen to everything from pop to dance hall and from classical to rap. With the exception of heavy metal (I can't handle the screaming, it makes me really uncomfortable) and (until 2 years ago) country. And I never thought that would change. And I'm telling you, if I was forced to listen to almost any music for hours on end on a station that plays the same 40 or so songs on repeat I wouldn't be able to handle it. I can barely listen to the radio.

The first few weeks were an adjustment. I was the new person, at a new job, in a totally new environment. And have I mentioned the music? Country.

And you know what. After a few weeks I added the country channel to the presets in my car. And after a few more I actually started listening to it. And what's more? I liked it.

I liked the messages it sent, the culture it represented, and more than that: I felt like I could relate to it.

And there you go. The story of my conversion.

The genre that convinced me that overplaying music can sometimes be a good thing.

My imaginary album of things I haven't seen yet

#1: My friend Luke topless on the back of another guy's motorcycle... 

here's my version:

...I never said photo editing was my strong point. 

Orkney Islands - or a very cool place I never thought I would end up

So, I visited Orkney in early December, and somehow forgot to post about it, so here's a quick overview. The Orkney Islands are located in the North Sea at the very top of Scotland. They have a rich history and are full of neolithic (and more recent) archeological artifacts, beautiful (and often barren) landscapes, and in December lots and lots of snow and reduced bus routes. 

The Italian (POW) Chapel

Maeshowe (Neolithic Tomb - they think)

At midwinter (right when we were there!) the sun comes perfectly through the entrance and lights up the chamber - it's really beautiful, unfortunately they don't allow cameras inside. 

St Magnus Cathedral 

We made it just in time for advent, One of the more interesting church services I've attended

Standing Stones (it was freezing)

And how cute are these otter crossing signs?!

My lovely travel companions, Katie and Lydia!

Waiting for the bus, it was freezing (literally), snowing, getting dark, and we were standing in the middle of nowhere hoping the bus was still going to come back by. It did. 

<3

Hogmanay

It's just hit me, about 16 days too late, that it's now 2011. Don't get me wrong, we brought in the New Year  with a bang - on a bridge in downtown Edinburgh with fireworks going off on all sides and copious amounts of champagne. But for some reason it's taken a bit to sink in.

Looking classy to bring in the new year.

Fireworks! It looks like people are looking the wrong way - but there were more on that side =)

Even Sawyer was looking classy! 

Eve and Eilidh wanted to be able to see better... possibly at the expense of Sawyer and Rachel

It was my first Hogmanay celebration, complete with the entire crowd bursting into "Auld Lang Syne" at midnight - of which most people never knew, had forgotten, or were way too drunk to remember more than the first verse or so, so most just sang that one over and over. I decided to look up the lyrics later and have posted below. It was written by acclaimed Scottish poet Robert (Rabbie) Burns. Oddly the words can be exchanged for those of "America the Beautiful" and it still works out (like the ABCs and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star).

Auld Lang Syne

Chorus.
And for auld lang syne, my jo,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne,
1.
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days o' auld lang syne.
2.
And surely ye'll be your pint-stowp!
And surely I'll be mine!
And we'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
3.
We twa hae run about the braes
And pu'd the gowans fine;
But we've wander'd mony a weary foot
Sin auld lang syne.
4.
We twa hae paidl'd i' the burn,
Frae mornin' sun till dine;
But seas between us braid hae roar'd
Sin auld lang syne.
5.
And there's a hand, my trusty fiere!
And gie's a hand o' thine!
And we'll tak a right guid willy waught, 

For auld lang syne. 

			Happy New Year Everyone!

Christmas in the Canaries!

After a whirlwind holiday season I finally have time to update. From saying goodbye to a lot of my American friends who were only here for a semester, Christmas dinner with Sciennes and Co., and my brother's visit for 2 weeks over the Holidays: it's been a blast!

Last night out with the American crew. 

Also thanks to Sciennes for letting me tag along to Christmas (and in general). 

Johnny giving a toast - I think he really just said he'd miss Julian. 

I don't know how everyone else decides where to vacation, but I googled "warmest places in Europe in December" and guess what popped up: The Canary Islands. Had I heard of the Canaries? Yes. Did I know anything about them: Not so much. A few google searches later and I knew they were Spanish islands off the coast of Africa and have average temperatures of 70 F in December - SOLD.

Sawyer and I chilling on the beach. 

Our Sea Monster "Wall" 

He fit in well. 

Our Tenerife "Snow" man

The second Elvis impersonator of Christmas night. What is it was Christmas and Elvis?

It was really really beautiful. 

 It was so great to have Sawyer here for Christmas, and to be able to escape the freezing world that is Scotland in the winter and head to the Canaries for a bit of R&R and beach time. By far the warmest Christmas I've ever had.